"I have now concentrated all my prayers into one, and that one prayer is this, that I may die to self, and live wholly to him.

Repentance is to leave
The sin we loved before,
And show that we in earnest grieve
By doing so no more. "

-Charles Spurgeon

What does it mean to "die to self?"  We must learn the importance of dying to our selfish thoughts and actions that invade our lives and minds.  I need to learn to throw off all my selfish desires and the things of this world.  Nothing about me, besides God, is good.  In order to live wholly for Christ I must first die to myself, throw off my sinful ways, and actively live my life for Christ.  This act must consist of throwing off all transgressions, picking up my cross and following Christ with all that I have.

 As Christians, we are called to suffer for the sake of Christ.  We should consider it a privilege to suffer for the Word of God.  A prayer that sums up, dying to self and living for Christ is hard but what better thing to pray for?  We should be praying "Lord be gracious and allow us to suffer for your name. Teach us to place our old selves aside and renew our hearts and minds in conformity with you will.

Currently Playing Sweet Home Alabama By Lynyrd Skynyrd see related

I felt the Holy Spirit really tugging at my heart this morning. God had prepared this message epescially for me! It is such a humbling experience realizing that I am SO wrong and the only way I can fix something is with the help of Christ.  I have to fully depend on him when it comes to forgiveness. 

I honestly felt unprepared and unworthy to be in God's presence this morning but even at that time, God was tugging at my heart, waiting for me to open my heart and mind to what He wanted to teach me.

The pastor began talking about forgiveness in the context of Matthew 18 and honestly, I didn't want to hear it.  I thought to myself "Lord, I kow that I will end up feeling guilty and I really don't want to think about this today" and sure enough...the guilty thoughts poured out.  The pastor went on to talk about how we as sinners do not deserve the forgiveness of such a Holy God.  Right then and there it made me think of my brother.  I have the hardest time forgiving him and the things he's done to hurt our family but Christ has forgiven and why shouldn't I. 

 Our pastor gave us time at the end of the service to sit in silence and to make right with God and I had a ton to pray about.  I lifted my brother up in prayer and I prayed that God would give me the strength to forgive him.  It was so hard! It's crazy to think that God loved those tears of pain and that horrible feeling of brokeness that i offered to him this morning. He loves nothing more than to have one of his children come running to him with full dependence.  I'm still learning to forgive but with Christ's help I believe I will learn forgiveness as hard as it can be.

Do we really know and understand what the desires of our heart are? 

I like to think that I know exactly what the desires of my heart are.  I begin to list them off... I want to finish school at Indiana Wesleyan. I want to get a good job teaching right out of college.  I want to get married and have exactly 4 kids( 2 boys 2 girls, crazy?)  These are all desires of my heart, right?  One thing's wrong with my list, they all begin with "I want." How selfish!  Shouldn't my desire be to fear God and become the woman of God that He would have me to be.  My desire should be to please Him in all that I do. Here was my challenge...

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:19

Before I started really understanding what this verse meant I just thought I could get whatever I desired but, I need to remember that the desires of my heart as a Christian should be to live every day with an undying love for my perfect Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Lord I pray you will teach me to focus my desires solely around you!

Well today started at 7 in the morning!  The sun was shining and it wasn't totally freezing so I woke up in a good mood. I was done with classes by 10:50... my day was still going great then came lunch!

I'm waiting in line for some salad and the guy in front of me lost balance of his tray. Then, his milk went flying onto my just cleaned pants, nooooo!  Well I was trying to be nice so I got him a new tray and some new silverware but never once got a "I'm sorry I spilled milk on your pants, I feel bad."  It's okay, I felt real bad for him anyway when he lost balance of his tray once again and his blue drink went flying everywhere (not on me thankfully).  Poor guy, maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend and is just having the worst day of his life... so I let it slide the poor little thing. Hope his day gets better!

But now I'm clean and my day is still going well, hope it ends up well too! Have a great day!

Currently Playing Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts see related

Hey sorry everyone,  it's been a while since I've updated.  Well spring break was great, it was good to be home and be back at my church.  I miss it so much!  Spring break started out with a fun trip to Purdue with my good friend Beth.  We had fun with Alexander and he showed us a real good time! Go Purdue engineers!! 

So then my roomie Katie and I went to hang out with special needs children and had a great time.  One boy named Daniel stole our hearts!! CUTE! Wednesday I went with Jess to Ohio to visit her dad.  We went shopping, bawled after watching the saddest movie ever, and "sat" in the hot tub! Fun times.

Friday night I got to see Alex again, those times are good as always!  Well that was my spring break.  Hope you guys had a great week.